Deleted
I just deleted my last entry, which was a video featuring the song "100 Years". I tried to add an extra line to my post, and unfortunately, when I republished the entry, the video was deleted. Heh. Oh well, I decided to not post it all over again - but I did just want to make mention of the fact that TP wanted me to let you know that the song was her graduation song. It always brings tears to my eyes.
This brings me to a thought I had while I was accidentally deleting the video. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could delete our words or our actions that we regret? It would be such a huge relief to be able to obliterate those things which now make us wince with shame, or cry out in pain! It would be even better if those hurtful things we did to others could be totally deleted from their memories as well. Unfortunately, God didn't invent a "delete" button for us to use everytime we do or say something wrong. No, He expects us to do the difficult and painful thing - swallow our pride and our shame, and go and apologize to the person(s) we've hurt. Do you think He did that on purpose? Of course He did! He wants us to not only learn from our behaviors, but also how to repair the damage we've inflicted on others - so that, perhaps, we will NEVER do those things again. Part of an apology requires us to sincerely say that we will not offend the other person again with that kind of hurtful behavior.
Lately, I've been thinking about all the mistakes I have made as a Mom. Lots of them - from yelling too much, to being impatient, to not speaking up when I should have, or saying too much so that what I was saying was falling on deaf ears. I am certain my daughters remember a lot of these mistakes, and I am concerned what kind of impact that has had on them. Have my mistakes caused them to love me any less? Have they damaged my girls in any way? Have they caused TP and DQ to keep secrets from me? Have they caused them to not be honest with me? Have my mistakes caused either of them to not be able to form healthy relationships with
others? How I wish I could delete all those mistakes!!! But no, I know that I can't do it the easy way. I must, slowly but surely, start talking to each of my girls individually, and begin the painful process of asking for forgiveness.
And what a gift God gave us when He "invented" forgiveness. It's an opportunity to heal a relationship. To make it better. To make it stronger. And to make it more kind and loving.
18 Comments:
Your post is almost right in line with the study today by Christian Women Online. You can go to Loni's site, this weeks host and then read the observations of others. http://joyinthemorning.clubmom.com/
Thanks for your words as confirmation of what I wrote myself today!!!
Oh Lord, please compensate for all the sins, mistakes, and stupidities of our parenting... None of us really know what we are doing. Help us to raise virtuous children.
Well, now I know why I like computers so much. I get the opportunity for "do overs"; heh. But seriously; I'm envious of the relationships you have with your daughters. You're a good mommy and have set a great example for them to follow. God does ask for more out of this; I just hope he never reads my blog.
Hi Mom
Yeah.....Val.....keeping it real once again.....Forgiveness and reconciliation....Jesus showed the way. Thank you Lord for that!
I wish we could choose the easy way....(delete button), but that's for computers and such, not real people whose computer/brain seems to repeat the hurtful stuff either done to us or what we have spewed out to others in our minds UNLESS forgiveness comes into play.
Thanks for this post, Val. It does hit home.
Tonya - Wow, what a strange coincidence. It's a post that's been on my heart for quite awhile. I'll go over to my favorite e-zine and read the observations tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by, I'll visit you, too!
Rosemary - What a beautiful prayer. Thanks for sharing!
Stacy - Hi sweetie! THanks for your vote of confidence - and your compliments. I know what a great mom you are to your boys, too. I have a feeling God does read our blogs - why do you think I censor mine?!
Anonymous - Hey there, TP! Welcome to my blog, and thanks for FINALLY saying something. You've been "lurking" here for a long time without commenting, so I'm glad you finally got the courage to say "hi". Now, you COULD have said what a great mom I am, and that I don't have anything to apologize for. . .
I think that I lecture too much with my oldest. I need to listen more so she'll talk to me. I wish I could delete some of the things I've said.
Paula - It's so good to hear from you again - you've been missed, my friend. I'd like to talk to you some more about the book you mentioned on your blog the other day.
TC - Just be gentle with yourself, and keep on trying!!!
Valerie, I think one of the most responsible things a parent can do for their child(ren) is to apologize when we've hurt them or made mistakes. I have had to humble myself before my children and apologize for mistakes I've made while they were growing up. One of the most powerful apologies, I believe, was when I not only apologize, but pray with my children, holding their hands - and pray for forgiveness from God as well. The love you have for your children is evident in your words.
I can think of a few bells that I would like to unring.
Sorry folks -- can't unring those bells!
No delete keys.
No do-overs.
No magic pills or crystal balls.
I think God gave us "20/20 hindsight" so we can see where we made mistakes and we can work to do better next time. After all, the parent-child relationship is VERY similar to the relationship we have with Christ. He doesn't expect us to be sin-free, but he does expect us to have faith and keep working toward a better life.
6pence
Perhaps another way of saying it is this: if you didn't learn something from your errors as a parent, then you wouldn't regret them, would you?
6pence
Oh my goodness. I worry every single day that I am "damaging" my children with my actions, or inactions.
I wish i could delete the last 4 months. :(
Now, you COULD have said what a great mom I am, and that I don't have anything to apologize for. . .
Wake up, Valerie -- you're dreaming -- wake up!
But don't worry, I think that statement will come... later.
6pence
Ann - I totally agree - it is very humbling, yet it also models this powerful behavior to them so that they can see the beauty of it.
BWH - Spoken like a true Texan. Hey, I tried to leave a comment at your place 3 times yesterday, but no luck! Oh well, it's the thought that counts, I suppose!
6pence - You bring out some very good points! And I hope you realize I was teasing TP when I said that about being a great mom and not having to apologize for anything - she and I had a great laugh about that later, and talked about what a *great* daughter she has been, too!
Carol - Only good moms have those kinds of worries. The *bad* ones don't really care what they're doing to their kids. . .
Mrs. D - In a way, I wish I could delete the last year. It's been a very painful one for me, just as the last 4 months have been for you. Please know you can always email me to just chat about things. Love 'ya!
Praise God I don't make mistakes -- LOL, couldn't even type it with a straight face. :) My girls are so young and yet I'm already wondering about things like this and hoping maybe I can figure things out before they get older, but I'm assuming then I will just have a new set of problems to work on so I guess its going to be a never ending battle. I do hope that I can remember this as my girls get older to make sure I ask for their forgiveness when I've done things wrong. Its a great thing for kids to see and learn from us. Although right now its pretty easy - she's only 3, so I can easily say "I'm sorry, mommy shouldn't have..." and she hops away like no big deal, but I'm assuming this will definitely be harder as they get older, just as its hard to do with other family members and friends. I agree with Stacy, although I don't know you, from reading your blog it seems like you have a good relationship with your girls and that you are a good example to them!
I hope you realize I was teasing TP when I said that
Of course I did! And I was teasing when I said you were dreaming. I hope you understood my attempt at humor.
6pence
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